It was horrible night,
the more I thought about her, the more frustrated I became. Nevertheless, my
mind and my heart just said, “How bigger fool are you?” Fool, but for what?
This could be the question you would be surely wondering. How stupid I’m, without
telling you the obvious reason, I started describing my emotion.
Well, let’s go to a
couple of years back; those were the days when I used to go to college. In a
number of five hundreds college girls, my eyes went just for one, the only one
whose every move made me feel sensation. I won’t tell you her physical figure but
yes, she was the most down to earth lady that I ever met. I began acquiring
more attraction and feelings towards her but the way she interacted with me,
one can say there was definitely something between us.
I had a bad habit of
spiting. Everytime I walked passing through garbage or unhygienic path, I
spited. One day while passing through the market, I spited looking spiteful cow
dung; she quickly came closer to me with authority and told me not to spite. I
had nothing to tell her besides saying ‘sorry’. She never ever let anyone of us
to throw biscuit packets or covers of chocolate anywhere near roadside. When we
argue with her jokingly, she said, “Look, if you and me litter roads and
continue to do so, others would also follow us and that would surely pollute
the surrounding”.
She was very helpful as
per me. I could say it because she came all way to help me when I needed it
most. I was quite disorganized in class and notes that were given us to write
by our lecturers I didn’t maintain properly. In such cases, she often snatched
my notebooks and jotted down notes for me. Even during the time of admission
she would always take care of me, asking me if I had any problems in submitting
college fees. Once I had to borrow three thousands rupees which later on, I
gave it back to her. It was not something that I didn’t help her too. I also
crossed thousands miles when it came to helping her when she needed.
It was the time when we
got deadlines of submitting the class projects. She suddenly fell sick and she
asked all others except me for help. However, all those fellows were never in a
position to help her. And why should they help her as she stood first in first
year. I knew it but I didn’t tell anything to her. In fact she required photos
and notes for the project. I thought it was the opportunity to help her and
without thinking for a second, I planned to bring all those notes. Same things
I exactly did as planned. It was a sight of joy for me to see her happy smile.
So this was what I did for her.
Once college got over,
those feelings also got over like the cold winter season. In the past five
years, I had never been in a true relation. The only reason was my stupidity.
And it was all my trust; I have a problem that whoever accepted me in a
relationship I put everything on it. You can say total surrender. But, may be,
it was my bad luck that whoever, entered into relation with me proved
undeserving of me, considering the kind of tendencies and natures they
exhibited.
Sometimes, I felt
lonely; so lonely that I wished of someone in my life with whom I could share
laughter, happiness and funs. Again deep inside of my heart a voice came out
telling me things I thought were all illusion. There was never a concept like a
‘true love’. May be not for me; different kinds of thoughts cropped up in me.
Whatever challenges, struggles and difficulties did I face; I couldn’t share
them with anyone but with myself only.
The only option
available to me to feel ease was chatting with my long lost friends in
facebook. Every one of them had a good luck I should say. Because I believed it
was not that easier to find good and reliable girls. May be all of them had
shares of some luck that they could find girls whom they had been all doing
well. What could I do, since half of their times of the day was spent chatting
with their girlfriends. They hardly got time to give attention to their male
friends. And I was one of their male friends.
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